Tired and good

Friday in the Fifth Week of Lent

Be not far away O Lord;
you are my strength; hasten to help me.
Psalm 22:18

As I wake and stretch into a new day, I find myself thankful for the exhaustion of the night before, even as some of it still lingers. It is the tiredness that comes after hard work on worthy tasks, the feeling of being spent and knowing it was worth it.

It has been a week of dramatic extremes, both in the exterior world and my interior one. One day a Nor’easter buried us in snow, and the next day warm sunshine melted most of it. One day I was in a hard place, the Lenten journey wearing me down and joy hard to come by. The next day, I discovered ways to be at ease with the journey even when difficult, and the day after that found I had made strides forward with some personal development on which I am working. Even within a given day, I have found myself anxious with indecision, calm with confidence, wrestling poorly with imperfect circumstances, and filled with unexpected gratitude.

Spiritual work can be tiring, but what keeps me going is the knowledge that the Holy Spirit is at work in me, transforming me. In my lifelong formation into the person God has created me to be, I will continue to encounter times of struggle and times of respite and times when the way will be extreme. The only way forward is to give myself over to God’s unfailing help.